To Stephan

Do you remember the nights when we lay on the grass by the pool watching the stars in the night sky? Do you recall the sunny days, colours of the sand and the brown skin of our hands? Do you remember the cold January rains, evenings having tea and biscuits, films we saw, time we spent doing nothing?

Do you remember how people used to look at you because of your beauty? Or did you even notice that? And how beautiful you were, the sparkling in your eyes when you smiled, the sunshine in your hair and the kind way you treated everyone.

I remember how happy we were back then. At a time when there were many stories still untold, people not yet met and a life still unknown ahead of us.

Later in Berlin I remember you running down the stairs to the metro shouting: “See you in the movies!”. And much later you had a small part in a film, and you were performing in a theater somewhere too. Then I lost you.

Last week I found a short story published in a newspaper ten years ago. An actor was found dead in a theater. It had been a suicide. At first I thought it can´t be you. It must be someone else with the same name. But it was you they wrote about.

I felt sad for you. I still do. I felt sad for your family too. Life was not supposed to go that way. Life played tricks. Life promised happiness but was unfair and cruel.

But after all I am thankful for those sunny days we had long time ago. I am thankful for the sunshine and the stars, and most of all I am thankful for your friendship.

I will always remember you.

With love Marjaana.